Archive for January, 2012

Judgment

January 11, 2012

 

I never know how to begin these things…

Corrie Fisher, a friend of mine on the internets has passed away, and I would like to say a few words about her that should have been said…

when it mattered. But I no longer have that option, so I’m going to say these words to you that knew her. I know beyond any doubt that this will not give me any comfort, or lighten the heavy fucking regret that has [rightfully] settled upon me… Too little, too late. I should’ve said it to her; hindsight is just about the most worthless attribute a person can ever possess.

I didn’t know Corrie as well, or for as long as I wish I would’ve, but I knew enough to recognize what it was that set her apart from other folks I have encountered while lurking and aimlessly wandering through the internets. I’ve gotten to be way too judgmental; I am always judging everyone pretty much 100% of the time. Getting older will do that- the parallel between decreased life expectancy/ tolerance for ordinary ‘normal’ fuckwits… You only have time for folks that are interesting, or extraordinary in some way.

With Corrie, there was more than one category which merited the passing of judgment, and which compelled me to seek her friendship. The first was (oddly enough) her habit of being NON judgmental toward folks. She’d befriend anyone, from any walk of life, and not give two shits regarding their popularity, religion, position in society, sexual pref, whatever… Respected everyone who gave it in return. Despite my own deficiency in this, I still admire it because it is unusual.

She could not be pressured, and no amount of persuasion or sarcasm or clever rhetoric would make her budge from whatever her moral compass or beliefs were on a particular issue. She had a knack for deflecting it all like water off a duck’s back and often enough would give credit to anyone’s insults, provided they were humorous and original. Once I witnessed her being recognized, then nominated, and then confirmed by due process for a prestigious honor… only to have it rescinded for some reason or other which was unknown, by person(s) unknown, who had the authority to strip this honor from her. The composure and bearing she fielded this with was of the likes that I typically only remember seeing in the military… and at any rate exceedingly rare in women (or men for that matter).

But for me, the most extraordinary thing about Corrie was her capacity for loyalty. If she was your friend, she would back you regardless of the weather, or whether or not you appeared to be worthy of this loyalty, or any other factor that I could perceive. I have personally watched her speak in behalf of someone who was FAILing so consistently (at this particular time) and to such a ridiculous degree that even someone like myself, accomplished in FAIL far above the average dumbass…. Had to facepalm witnessing this trainwreck. Though it sometimes appeared to be unappreciated, and even scorned in return…. She never did withdraw her support of the friend. The effect of this upon the person I am referring to was… unusual as well, and I will simply describe it as ‘positive’.

Corrie Fisher was the type of person….. that I have always had need of in my life, yet so rarely was lucky enough to call ‘friend’. To say that my own, all ready small list of unusual and extraordinary disembodied intellects on the Internets, which I call ‘friend’ ………is less than it was- when it held her within it…..

.. is an understatement that my limited ability with words fall short to describe the way I feel it. God. Damn.

Rest in peace, Corrie

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